Tuesday, April 26, 2016

adventures with Jameson.

I had a plan.

I had this amazing plan to kick-start my "new and improved" blog with the birth story of Charlotte, and introducing these new ideas and people that will be featured here frequently.

How do you mothers find time to blog? I can't even find time to change my tampon without my son barging in and insisting he needs one in his bum, too. (TMI? sue me.)

I've hit the point in parenthood where things like that happen, and I refuse to believe no one else has had experiences that fall in the same wheelhouse of weirdness. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe everyone has the good sense to lock the bathroom door when taking care of lady business, and has never had their kid throw a tantrum (tears, you guys. REAL TEARS. And the screaming. ohhh, the screaming. over a tampon. Who knew?) over something as trivial as a piece of cotton. Motherhood. Am I right? Maybe this is just Allie-hood. WHATEVER.

The point is, things like this are happening to me so frequently. I am navigating these waters of parenthood with a two year-old, and my life has become this series of crazy experiences. I thought it might be in my best interest to write some of these experiences down, so when my son starts dating I can ruin his life and any chance of making out with a girl by telling her these stories. Also sometimes I think other parents like to hear that they aren't alone in the weird things they have to put up with on a daily basis.

Parents, friends, & strangers: I can assure you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

We've been trying our hand at potty training. I decided to take the "whatever" route as far as pressing the issue goes, because if I put too much pressure on my son, he puts too much pee on my beloved floor & furniture. We are gearing up to do full potty-training mode, but I'm waiting until my husband isn't gone 24-7 before we tackle that beast. I don't need to explain myself, but whatever. WHATEVER. My vocabulary has diminished to that single word. Whatever. This is what my life has become. (here's to hoping blogging will open up the doors of big words. Yeah. Words... and stuff.)

Today. Today, I decided to ask my son if he wanted to go pee before nap time. He was ecstatic.

"YEAH!! Pee a potty!!"

"Alright, kiddo, let's do it!"

Then a magical thing happened where my daughter started crying. In response, my boobs started crying too.

Of course this is happening right now. It's fine. I'll just feed her while Jameson sits on his potty.

So I scooped her up, and met my son in the bathroom. I helped him get situated, then put the big toilet seat down and sat to feed my daughter.

Things didn't take as long as I had anticipated, and he had peed enough to dump it in the toilet. We celebrated, high-fived, and I stood up so he could pour the pee into the toilet.

I walked to the other side of the bathroom and told him he could do this by himself (as he has done many times before). He grabbed the insert of his potty, and started carrying it over to the toilet. Then, he looked at his work.

"WOAH! Mom, look! Not water in the potty!"

Up until this point, his urine had been pretty much clear, and he called it water. Today, however, it was slightly yellow.

"You're right. That's not water, it's pee."

"Woah!! Cool! JUICE!!!"

I smiled and nodded as I stood there feeding my daughter. Then the realization of what he had just said struck me.


I shouted as he put his lips to the side of the potty and lifted it to drink.


I rushed over to him, only to discover my arms were still holding my daughter, who was eating. I tried to rearrange things so I could stop him, but by then it was too late.

He mad a face and wiped his mouth.

"Not good. A juice is yucky. UCK."

He made a disgusted sound and tossed his potty. (which, by the way, was still full of yucky juice). Urine flew everywhere. I stood in a daze trying to sort out what had just happened.

Then my son walked past me and said, "Come on, mom. It's nap time."


  1. Hilarious. I'm so not looking forward to potty training someday, but whenever we get there I know I'll remember this story and it will help me laugh about it all!

    1. Also, no clue how moms blog. I don't know how you even did it with one! Peter is six weeks old and his birth story is nowhere in sight.. Maybe by the time he's six moths? Maybe.

    2. Right?! I am pretty sure the only reason I got Jameson's written was because he was in the NICU so I had way too much time on my hands. Now here I am, three months into the second baby and OOPS, my first blog post isn't even about her. Alert me when you post about your cute cute peter. I need to see more photos since you moved halfway across the country!

  2. This is hysterical. Tears from laughing as I read this.

  3. That is so freaking funny!! I am sooooo glad you wrote this down. Oh my heavens...you made my day. :) Carry on mommy...carry on!

  4. That is great. I read and then re- read it out loud to my husband with my 11 year old listening in from his bedroom. He was laughing out loud, as was I. Thanks for sharing. (PS.. I am Bonnie's sister)