Monday, April 14, 2014

Memory Lane Monday : the time a creepy guy in a kidnapper van found & returned my wallet

Friday, 12/13/12, was a great day.

It started out with my child waking up for the day at 5:30 in the morning. The good news is, he is happiest when he wakes up for the day. So I sat on the couch watching, while he cooed and smiled and pooped.

On my way to work, I realized I had about three minutes to fill my gas tank before the car broke down forever. I pulled into my regular gas station, only to find that The Walking Dead had decided to shoot the "1000 abandoned cars" scene in the parking lot. Really what I'm trying to say is that everyone had decided to park next to a filling station and leave their car for the zombies.

So, I drove to another gas station and did my business (my car business) & my wallet was placed on top of my car and forgotten about.

Long story short, a man named Brian found my wallet and somehow got in contact with me. The good news is, he was a nice man who had the decency to not steal my money. The even better news is he was willing to return it to me at any given moment.

"Now. That moment is now."

I informed him of where I worked so he could meet me, and instead got a, "Let's meet at ____. It's easier for me to find. Come alone." (that last sentence may or may not be entirely made up.)

Guys... my work is so easy to find, a blind man could get here by accident. (that's probably a lie)

Fearing for my life, my supervisor made me take an escort. I did the smart thing and took my skinny friend Miss S. You know, because if anyone can protect a young lady with no muscle, it's another young lady with a little muscle.

I gave good saint Brian a call to let him know I would be meeting him within the hour.

"Great. I drive a white utility van. It says '24 hour Service' on the side."

What he forgot to mention is that the '24 hour Service' on the side of his "utility" van was written in size twelve font. So really all that meant was that he was a kidnapper. Who drove a scary white van.

I parked next to the murder-mobile and Ted Bundy's twin got out. The only thing that could make this moment creepier was if I had gone alone in the middle of the night.

"Thank you..."   I awkwardly grabbed my wallet.

"I figured you'd want it."
"Thank you..." can I say anything else?

"Thanks." nope. I am incapable of saying anything other than "thank you" to serial killers in kidnapper vans. 
"No problem."
"Thank you. Thanks..."
"I'm a Christian, just wanted to do the right thing."
"Thanks...uh, bye. Thanks."

I got in the car and drove away at the speed of light. Nothing in my wallet had been stolen, and the good Christian man hadn't kidnapped and murdered me.

Like I said, it was a great day.


Post a Comment