Thursday, October 10, 2013


"The first week back with a new born is the easiest thing in the world!"
Said no first-time parent. EVER.

It has been 15 days since I entered into the hood of mothers. Today was supposed to be the predicted due date of my main man J over here. Instead, we all know what happened. It was less ideal than I would have hoped... but things took a positive turn in a relatively short amount of time, for which I am so grateful.

I've learned a few things in the week.

Word to your mother (or just any soon-to-be mothers):

> Don't over-stress about baby's coming home outfit. Chances are he will just pee all over it (and you) as soon as you get home anyway.

> POINT IT DOWN. We as women forget that male genitals can shoot urine in whichever direction it is pointed. If you forget to point it down, the previous statement about wetting the new outfit will come true. I promise.

> Take care of yourself. I realize baby is the first thing on your mind, but the minute you realize you are 100% out of any kind of pad that has ever existed, crap hits the fan real fast. It is enough to deal with baby's body fluids. Remember to stock up on supplies so you can take care of your own.

> Breastfeeding is fun. Having nipples that shoot milk equivalent to the power of a fire hose is not. Sometimes babies get milk on their face. And their hair. And eyes. It's fine. At least I am lucky enough to have the ability to breast feed.

> It's okay to drink 3 cans of root beer in one night. When it's just you and the baby at 4AM, living a healthy lifestyle seems ludicrous. It's 4AM and I'm awake for the third time tonight. I deserve to eat a fruit snack, a cupcake (or a whole cake), and have another root beer and not even feel bad about it. 

Being a mother really is so great. But for now, I am currently leaking through a breast pad, and quite frankly am getting tired of always smelling like breast milk.

Over and out.


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