Thursday, August 22, 2013


I thought I was going into labor about three times today.
My ribs are too small, baby is too big, and sometimes your child kicks you in places that make you cross your legs out of fear he'll make an early debut.

Life happens.

Needless to say, it was a rough evening. I had been battling the discomfort all day and was finally ready for bed. I was lying on the bed making sad, feel-bad-for-me whimpering noises when husband commented on how dramatic I was. He was unaware (as was I) that that was just my opening act.

Before laying down, husband & I said our prayer together. It was my turn. Midway through my sunbeam-status prayer, I heard what I am hoping was thunder. At the time, it sounded like gunshots. I was startled, but continued on, losing focus of what I was saying. My focus then turned to the alien who was trying to saw his way through my ribs.

"Please bless that we... I may be comfortable and sleep through the night..." 

After I finished, my husband looked at me.
"You don't care about me." he said with a half smile.


He repeated what I had said in the prayer.
"Not only did you pray for just yourself, but you corrected it so that I was excluded from it completely!"

He then went Husband Cox mode on me and made a whole show of it.
(it's similar to watching a shakespeare play)

"Please bless that we... no, that I and only I will be comfortable tonight. Let Husband roll around in agony as he tosses and turns during a never-ending sleepless night."

I tried defending my case, but he would have none of it. We were laughing so hard we couldn't even truly argue. Husband's rants got more and more ridiculous, and he started using a weird voice that was supposed to sound like me.

Soon I was laughing so hard my stomach started to cramp. I toppled over and struggled breathing, for something very large had just lodged itself into my ribs. All the while, I was laughing hysterically. [truth be told, it wasn't THAT funny... I just couldn't stop]

My laughs turned into gasps, which turned back to laughs, which turned to sobs, which turned to gagging, which turned to laughing. This whole time, my husband is sitting on our bed watching a crazy woman taking over his wife's body. The whole thing was so ridiculous, he couldn't help but laugh. Which made me laugh, which caused unimaginable pain, which caused laughing, which made me confused. I calmed myself down and looked at husband. "I think... I ...I need to cry really hard."

I hadn't even finished informing him before I lost it. I was a sobbing mess. "I'M SOOOO SAAAAAD!!" I wailed. He brought me a towel and smothered my face. "You're not sad," he responded, "but you really should stop crying before you throw up everywhere." (He's a charmer, folks.)

I thought about it. I wasn't sad. I wasn't even offended by his comment. I started to laugh but he cuddled me before it progressed too far, and held me until my breathing was normal and the tears had stopped.

I am grateful to have a husband who can handle situations like this, even if it means he has to hide under the bed for a few minutes so I don't see him laughing at me. (Seeing him laugh made me laugh which started the whole roller coaster back over again, so he thought it best not to trigger that first giggle.)

I am grateful to have a husband who I have absolute fun with every single day.

why yes, yes that is my whole fist in his mouth.

Sometimes we make mistakes and I purposely pray for only myself, cutting him out of the blessing completely. Sometimes his sense of humor throws me overboard into a mental state worthy of being institutionalized.

We are going to be parents in approximately 7 weeks. give or take
I don't plan on pulling my wits together in time to be a great mother.
But in all honesty, I don't need my wits when this guy is around.

I picked a winner.
We'll keep him.