Wednesday, July 31, 2013

the pregnant truth

When you become pregnant, people somehow feel the need to enlighten you about all the joys and experiences that lie ahead.
Your feet will swell. You'll crave weird things. Your hair will get thicker. 

The truth is, none of those things really happened to me. Granted, I've still got ten weeks left (can you believe it?!). I realize every pregnant woman is different, but unless I am the only one out there experiencing a few of these things... I decided to take note of the experiences that are not so commonly told. 
I also decided to share this oh so lovely photo taken a few years back.
(let's face it, posts are better with photos, and this blog is seriously lacking.)

Back to pregnancy-

For starters, the only things that have swollen are my tummy and boobs. The breast enhancement is pretty great... Minus the part where they feel like they've been pounded with a meat tenderizer. Oh, and the rare case of excessive boob-leakage. (Really though, even the lovely OB/GYN told me it's unbelievable how much these things excrete liquid.)

Remember how your stomach grows, and sometimes weird things called stretch-marks appear? Your skin gets dry and itchy as it stretches to it's limit. Yeah that's not an issue for me (yet). Nobody talks about everything else that stretches. Like muscle. And my uterus. It feels like shredding fire. Which really just means it's so painful that my description doesn't have to make sense.

I'm slightly concerned that my child is going to come out with disfigured fingers and toes, seeing as it feels like he is constantly getting them stuck in my ribs. Maybe he'll grow up to be a harp player. The kind of harp that has strings made out of a human rib cage. I'm morbid.

Baby bump.
Sometimes the baby bump isn't as cute as it sounds. Babies aren't worried about their mother's appearance, and sometimes they decide to squish themselves to one side of the stomach and make themselves look really tall. I have moments where I've got my own personal ski slope formed on the front of my abdomen. It's really flattering. We had to cross Waldo off of our name list, because he's way too easy to find.

Play time.
Nobody told me that play time starts before baby is even born. It's quite possibly one of my absolute favorite things about being pregnant. I usually have a 15-20 minute session before bedtime where I just sit and watch baby play in my stomach. Sometimes I play with him. I get really excited when I find a tiny fist or foot. We're already teaching him how to fist-bump.

Weight gain.
It took me a really long time to start gaining weight with this guy. Some people start early, I was a bit of a late bloomer. However, a lot of weight gain in a short amount of time does strange things to your legs. I feel like Hercules after he gets his power taken away. It makes me want to hug the legs of every overweight person ever. Those poor limbs are being abused.

Baby daddy.
Nobody told me how cute men become when their wives get pregnant. Coming home from work is always a joy, because both me and the belly get a welcome home kiss. 

One thing they do tell you though, is that your energy levels (especially during the third trimester) will significantly decrease. It's true. I sleep in on a daily basis. I also don't feel bad about it, because I know those days are limited.

However, I think I'm ready to face a sleep deprived life if it means the weight gain and shredding fire pain will stop.


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