Friday, July 7, 2017

do you believe in magic?

A good friend of mine recently told me I should write a memoir. To be completely honest, this was kind of a shock because this is coming from someone who recently sent me a text saying,

"Met this old astrologer hippy lady at the market. Older than Betty White- swear to god. She likes me because I'm a Taurus. Gave me her number. Wants to hang out on Monday, go to folk fest. I think I'm going to go."  (it should be known that these random occurrences in her life are totally normal and happen on an unusually frequent basis)

meanwhile, I was sitting on my couch eating my fifth batch of brownies as my son went through the effort of getting completely undressed and putting on a pull up just so he wouldn't have to use the toilet. I mean like, I'm not saying my life isn't exciting... but unfortunately I haven't had any encounters with old hippy ladies asking me to folk fest.

That being said, I think I will try to write more memoir-esque posts. I am pretty sure that was the vision I had for this blog anyway, apparently it just took a random comment on instagram to get me going.

Remember high school? LOL. How awkward of a time was that? Or am I literally the only person who wonders how they had any friends? Nevermind. High School holds some of my greatest and not-so-great memories.

Also, why are high school dances such a weird thing? Thinking about it now, the whole process is weird. Dropping some weird puzzle off on someone's porch with a clever pun that gives them a clue on how to find out who is asking them to the dance (!!!)

I have always been a weirdo, and I have always tended to veer from the conventional. Particularly when it comes to... Oh I don't know, asking someone to a high school dance?

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the secret doorstep-asking method, usually the asker will come up with something clever.

Actual real-life examples of ways my sister got asked:
Cheese. Leave a block of cheese on the front porch that says, "sorry if this is too cheesy, but will you go to [the dance] with me?" Write name on block of cheese, or have enough blocks of cheese to make up each letter of your name.

Piñata. Fill the piñata with candy and letters that spell out your name. Leave a note that says, "[the dance] would be a hit with you!"

Actual real-life examples of ways I asked:
Dead plant/bush thing. My friends mom was digging up her garden and had this large bush that was totally dead and upon looking at it, my brain thought, "Hey! This would be a great prop to use to ask someone on a date." So I did. I dug up that dead bush, and wrote a note that said, "My heart will shrivel up and die like this dead bush if you don't go to this dance with me." Also, I have a terrible memory but I'm pretty sure I used that dead bush to ask someone I barely even knew. But we had a lovely time! (He said yes!)

Giant stocking full of dollar store trinkets. I honestly don't even remember what my clever saying was. Probably like, "Ho, ho, ho. You should go, go, go to the dance with me." Also I wrote random letters on all of the trinkets and then wrote my name on the date of the dance on a (cat? or something random) calendar that happened to be mixed in with all of the things. 

Dumping foam letters into a toilet. I actually did this. I wrote, "If you gotta go... GO WITH ME!" What? Ew. HOW DID I HAVE FRIENDS. More importantly, HOW DID I EVER GET A DATE

Apparently my strangeness had some sort of appeal (or the guys I asked thought I'd murder them if they said no), and I was never turned down. 

It's no secret that I am 100% the absolute worst date ever. Forever & Always. If you ever have any doubts, ask my husband. Just ask him. Lucky for me, he rolls with the punches and happened to find my awkwardness and ability to ruin cute moments charming. I'm not sure he still feels that way but hey, I can't help that I ruin every romantic moment ever. (you know, just the big things like our first kiss, our engagement, announcing pregnancies, etc)

There really should be an award for every guy who ever took me out (or let me take him) on a date. My mom tells me she was a terrible first date, and I think she passed on the "terrible every date" gene on to me, because I swear I could never get it right. 

I am so, so off topic. What even is the topic, you ask? NOBODY KNOWS.

actually it was high school dances.

I'm a mess. This post this blog is all over the place. WELCOME, FRIENDS. We like having you here. 

High school dances always have a theme. And expensive photos. Two things of which I am really confused about why this is such a big deal to teenagers (like, one time my date ordered me the small photos and HOW DARE HE), but also I'm really grateful it was a big deal because now I have photographic proof of how big of a freak I was.

Dance themes were a big deal, because after the big reveal, you & your group of friends all got to plan what costumes/outfits you would wear to the dance. Extra points for originality. Much like my methods of asking to dances, the ways I interpreted dance themes was a bit eccentric. My senior year of high school, one of our dance themes happened to be Do You Believe In Magic. People were stoked. Magic. MAGIC. There were so many directions you could take this. Wizards, witches, fairies, magicians, the works. 

I racked my brain for costume ideas. My first thought was Santa. He's magic! But our group was very large and I wasn't sure how to turn that into a group costume.

Then, it hit me. Magic markers. MAGIC MARKERS. It was brilliant. For whatever reason, my group agreed with me and our costumes were in the works. My friends & I spent way too much time making stencils and spray painting shirts & "marker caps".  I don't regret a minute of it because these pictures never fail to make me laugh because we look absolutely ridiculous.

In all of my dance photos, I have exactly one normal snapshot. (Also my scanner didn't do the best of jobs uploading the photos but this gives you a good idea.)

I think this is how most dance photos are supposed to look. Maybe I'm wrong, because like I said, this is literally the only one I have of this sort... and that's only because the photographer didn't give us a choice.

I also have a lot of abnormal snapshots. This one, for whatever reason, is my favorite.

It's funny because someone left my cap off and I dried out.

Also, this is hands down my favorite group photo. Long story short, none of the guys knew we were going to shove them when the photo was taken. And also everyone looks hilarious in their giant marker caps. These costumes will never not be funny to me.


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