Sunday, October 12, 2014


I started writing this over a month ago, and just now am getting comfortable with the idea of putting it out there. I don't want to offend anyone, but I felt the need to finally get this thing up on the blog. So, uh.. here.

I am not weak,

but I have days where I really don't feel strong. I have days where I resent every mother and blogger who has a picture-perfect life, and always seems to be put together. I see these women who appear to have everything in order. Their houses are beautifully decorated and immaculately clean. They make crafts and go on incredible adventures with their children. They make these restaurant-worthy meals. On top of all of that, they somehow seem to find the time and energy to get ready (and look fabulous) and document the whole shebang.

That's what we love to see though, right? That is how we want others to see us, too. Social media has become this weird way of showing the perfect side of our lives to people we don't even care about. (caring about what someone thinks is entirely different than caring about them.)

I do believe many of these blogs are written and published with good intention. When I find an amazing recipe, I want to share it. When I take a good picture of my kid, I will most definitely show it off. I get it.

Most people don't post about their perfect lives to make people envious. But, hey... crap happens.

I try to steer clear of the perfect life scene because I like to be real. MY LIFE ISN'T PERFECT.

...wait, what did she just say?!

That's right, friends.

My life is not perfect. *gasp!*
My marriage is not a fairytale.
Sometimes my son throws temper tantrums so ridiculous, I would rather pull out my arm hairs one by one and swallow them than deal with his attitude.

I love my life. I love my marriage. I love my husband, & I love my son.

I struggle with severe depression. I am medicated, and though I did for a while, I no longer feel ashamed to admit it. I am not a psychopath. I have a clinically diagnosed disorder which causes me to have irrational thoughts, feelings, and ideas. Regardless of what you may say, I cannot control it on my own. (Yes, I have tried.)

My life is not perfect.

Never having dealt with depression prior to meeting & marrying me, my husband had a bit of a hard time adjusting to what was happening around him. I'm not depressed all the time, and it's not like I hid my depression under a blanket until we sealed the deal. He was well aware of what he was getting himself into, but I don't think anyone can be aware of how difficult it is going to be. Because it is going to be difficult for all parties involved. He stands by me through every bout of depression, regardless of the toll it takes on him. He stands by me, regardless of the fact that he doesn't always understand.

My marriage is not a fairytale. But my husband is like magic. He stuck around when I went crazy. He holds me when my emotional mentality hits rock bottom. He reminds me that I don't need to be the mother who gets ready every day, or the wife who cooks her husband incredible meals every night. He is not prince charming, & he doesn't need to be. I don't know that I could handle that kind of perfection in my life.

One day after blog stalking for a few hours, I got upset. I felt bad for myself because my life didn't match up with anything I had looked at or read. I became angry, because not once had I stumbled across a blog about life being imperfect. (Then two days later, eight thousand posts talking about imperfect life circulated around my facebook feed & this post became irrelevant, yet here I am.) I picked up my camera and, without touching/moving/cleaning anything, started taking pictures of my home:

At nearly 11:00AM, I was still in pajamas. My teeth were not brushed. My bed was unmade. The bookshelf was cluttered. The kitchen unswept. My son's closet destroyed. My work desk taken over by an 80 year old. My home was real.

And that's okay.

Because imperfection is not a sign of weakness.
Because sometimes, I would rather play with my son than dust the bookshelf.
Because my husband loves me even when we eat cereal for dinner because I didn't have it in me that day to cook an award-winning meal.
Because life doesn't have to be perfect to be enjoyed.

I am not weak. I am real.


  1. You are such a beautiful person. I appreciate how real you are and you have inspired me to do the same.

  2. Love you Allie! Totally understand how you feel xoxo

  3. This is the very reason I stopped looking at blogs every day. But I like your blog! It makes me feel normal.

  4. Allie....just so ya know...nobody's life is perfect. And if it looks that way you gotta know, something has to give. Trent struggles a bit with me, cuz my priority is not and never has been housekeeping. Its much more important to me to make memories and have fun, so that's what I am gonna post about...the fun I am having. So if you wanna feel better about the housekeeping and chores part of your life, come visit my house, I know for a fact my bed is not made, laundry from last night is still on the floor folded and the remains of breakfast are still on the table. I think the important thing to know is that everyone has different priorities, strengths and weaknesses. Some priorities are to look like a million bucks when they leave the house, the rest of us are just trying to keep up and jeans and t-shirt are easiest and most comfortable. Don't compare yourself to others and stop reading blogs.;) From where I sit look pretty perfect to me! So keep truckin and know that I love ya and I get where your coming from.

  5. Anonymous10/13/2014

    You are doing amazing and seem like an amazing mother and wife. Keep it up. :)

  6. You probably don't know me, and you may think it's weird that I read your blog, but I grew up with Taylor, we were neighbors from the time we were like a year old. Anyway, I really appreciated this post. I, too, struggle with depression, especially after having a kid, and feel like I could have written this post myself. It's comforting to know that there are people out there who are going through the same thing as you. You seem like a great mom and wife and your blog is one of my favorites to read because it is real. So thank you :)

    1. I am so sad. I had a wonderful response posted and somehow my page refreshed and now all my glorious words are lost in cyber space. Or just vanished forever. (I'm dramatic.)

      Anyway, I wanted to say THANK YOU for your comment! It is always nice to know there are others who can relate. And as far as you reading my blog- honestly I'm flattered! I sometimes wonder why I keep it up, so it's nice to know someone is out there reading! Haha.

      But seriously, thank you.

  7. Yes! I love this whole post, but there is something about those pictures I especially love so much. From what I can see, your house looks like a place where I would feel totally at home and comfortable. I literally just told my husband the other day, "We can't even take care of this place when it's just the two of us. How are we ever going to handle kids?"

    I really do think you're so brave for posting this, and I love your honesty. It's unbelievably refreshing, and pretty dang inspiring. From what I can see from your blog and insta.. not much, I know.. you're killing it. You go girl.

  8. Allie, You're strength amazes me daily. Thanks for sharing this... I am currently blog stalking and feeling bad for myself because shoes are spilling out my closet, laundry is over flowing and I am also on my fifth slice of pizza. So this was just what I needed to stumble upon. I blogged about this a while ago and felt like I had it under control but it's just something I have to continually work at... which SUCKS. Love you lots. Thanks again for sharing.

  9. Okay so I don't know you, but I do know who your husband is. (We went to elem school together a hundred years ago) Somehow I found your blog waaaay long time ago and it's the only one I actually read. It's hilarious and sometimes I wish I was you.

    Anyway, all I gotta say is, depression is really hard and there's so many expectations out there. I have anxiety and depression and so I understand feeling like a failure because all I can do is get out of bed. (And I don't even have a kid yet)

    Just know that some random girl that you don't know thinks you're a champion. And please keep blogging!

    1. Molly(face)!

      I know exaaaactly what you mean. I can't even begin to tell you how often I struggle to get myself out of bed, let alone take care of another person. Having J around has really helped me get up in the mornings, though. Before, it was hard to feel like people needed me. Getting up didn't make sense because it seemed everyone's day would go on exactly the same regardless of whether or not I was there.

      Hang in there! (Insert baby kittens poster) on my hardest days, I have a quote nearby that says "courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow"."