Thursday, September 18, 2014

i want to hold your hand, part 1

*I'd like to publicly thank every person in my life who has contributed to this post. To the guys who gave me a hand-holding experience I will never forget (even if I'd like to), thank you. These make for some pretty great memories. To the guys who suffered from the repercussions of my unforgettable experiences, thanks for not banishing me from your life forever. (I don't know if any of them read this, but really what I'm saying is if you are one of the guys who tried to hold my hand and failed, I'm really sorry to have put you through that.)

unfortunately for me, none of the guys I rejected thought it was very cute when this happened.

Where it all began:

These photos were taken on the day that I held hands for the first time ever. Coincidentally, I happened to be sitting right next to my bff at the time when it all happened. She was holding hands with a boy too. BIG STUFF, GUYS.

(I'd like to take a moment and point out the fact that we are wearing matching shirts. This was not uncommon. Like, it's embarrassing how many photos I have of us in coordinating outfits. But that is beside the point.)

^^ Back to holding hands, who wouldn't want to hold hands with that? ^^

So there we were. On the last day of 8th grade. We decided to watch a movie. "We" meaning me, my bff, and the two boys we happened to be crushing on. Oh, and some fifth wheel who I don't even remember. I just know he was sitting on the love seat all alone, oblivious to the raging sea of hormones happening on the other end of the room.

Let me set up this scene for you:

  • Me. If you thought I lacked social skills... you should have seen me at age fourteen.
  • Leather couch. AKA "I don't have gas... but just to make sure you know that, I'm going to take an extra 20 seconds readjusting my position so the leather makes as much farting noise as possible."
  • 8th and 9th graders. 'nuff said.
  • ME. just thought I should reiterate the fact that this is me, Allie, we are talking about. With a boy. That I liked. Something awkward was bound to happen.
  • Pearl Harbor (the movie) a little bit of war, a lot of romance. Throw Ben Affleck in there and you've got yourself the perfect set up for a first hand-holding date.

I sat down next to this boy as the movie began.
Romance happened.

"You're so beautiful, it hurts."
" It's your nose that hurts."
"No, I think it's my heart." 
(real quote) 

We sat there next to each other, not holding hands. You know the scene. Both participants are extremely aware of the placement of the other's arms. This is like, the biggest moment for all first time hand holders. Always read what the other person is doing with their arms. (For example, if I am folding my arms, you probably shouldn't pry them apart to hold my hand. Especially on the first date. Especially if I sort of dated your best friend. Especially if I don't like you. BUT REALLY. That's a post for another time.)

Back to Ben Affleck and hormones.

I was not folding my arms.
Boy was not folding his arms.
We were doing the dead-man thing. You strategically let your arm fall to your side and keep it there. Unmoving. Dead. Usually palm-down. If you want to speed things up, you can do the dead man with your palm up. Or if you really want to speed things up, you can UNFOLD THEIR ARMS AND... 

Ok. Dead man arms. I am staying focused.

We were both doing the dead man. Palm down. Pinkies millimeters from each other.
Any second now... I know it's coming. I'm not preventing it, but am I ready for this big of a commitment? I mean, I'm only fourteen. How does that rhyme go? First comes holding hands, then comes marriage... then comes a baby in a baby carriage. Oh gosh. We are going to have a baby. What have I DONE.

By that time it was way too late to retract my dead-man's arm. I liked this kid. I couldn't do that to him. Also, I kind of wanted him to hold my hand. (I'm like the heroine in every dystopian futuristic novel ever. I just can't decide.)

Our pinkies touched. I held my breath. 
More romance happened in the movie, probably. I couldn't tell you.

Then the Japanese attacked.
About ten minutes into the bombings I hear, "Hey... Allie?"

I turn my head toward boy.

He held out his hand, "Do ya wanna?"

My eyes flicked toward the screen. It looked a little something like this:

I looked back at him.
"Oh. Uh... yeah."

And that's how it happened, people.
There weren't fireworks, but there were definitely some explosions.