Wednesday, July 23, 2014

The Disaster Date Saga : "Are you crying?"

It's kind of incredible to consider the amount of awkward moments my husband and I have shared. The great thing about this particular date I am about to tell you, is that it doesn't focus around just one "crash and burn" moment. This story was more of a kamikaze, which is what makes it so memorable.

It was our first "date" since Husband had returned home from Brazil. He had scored a few tickets to Lagoon and asked if I wanted to go. Yes, please.

Now I'd like for you all to remember the time when you judged me for making my husband be the one to drive us around after I asked him on a date. (see here for details) I would like for that judgement to be revoked, friends. Because listen up.

He asked me to Lagoon and then made me drive. (In his defense, he had just returned home from living in another country for two years, and had no money, no friends, no family, no home, no food, no water...  you get the point. [That may or may not be slightly exaggerated.] But the point is, he was fresh off the boat and had used his time asking me out instead of getting a license.)

Back to the part where he made me drive...

He asked me out and made me drive. So I took the liberty of offering my sister a ride to EFY, which just so happened to be in Logan, UT. (I was strategic, guys. If he was going to make me drive, I was going to spend as much time in a car with him as possible. What better way than offering to drive an extra hour and a half?)

Somewhere along the way, I forgot I was driving through the land of ruthless cops. I also happened to forget what the speed limit was.

Guys. I got to experience the pure joy of getting pulled over for the first time ever in my life. It was one of the greatest moments a girl could ever wish for. The only thing that could have made it better was if the cop called me an ignorant child while a cute boy sat in the passenger seat. Oh, wait...

One ticket and an eternity of humiliation later, we were back on the road. We dropped my sister off, and started to head toward Lagoon.

My stomach rumbled. "I'm starving."

"Me too."

We were in no man's land, but both Husband and I were in desperate need of food. I asked Husband if he wanted to wait for a real city or just pull off the next exit and eat whatever food was available. He didn't care.

I made the wise decision to get off the first exit we saw. To be honest, I don't remember much about the area except for that it looked abandoned, and the only thing in sight was a gas station/Blimpie. (You know it's going to be a good day when you have Blimpie in a gas station for lunch.)

We sat across from each other at a nasty table as we ate our sandwiches. I started telling Husband a story. I was so engaged in how great this story was, I didn't notice Husband start to choke. When I finally looked at him, he was holding on to the table with both hands, and his eyes filled up with tears.

I still had no idea he was choking.

"Are you... are you crying?" I asked.

He shook his head, and his eyes continued to water. He coughed slightly, and sniffed.
Oh my gosh he IS crying! He is crying. This is happening.

You know how men react when women start to cry? That was me. I was a man, and I had a "Marshall Moment". I had no idea how to act.

So I sat there. (Really this whole thing took place in a matter of seconds. But you know how it is. Times are stressful in the heat of the moment.)

"Are you sure you're okay?"

He finally pulled himself together, and in a tight voice said, "Yeah. I choked."

"You...choked? So.. you're crying?" I said with a half-smirk.

"No. I choked on a jalapeƱo. Do you know how bad it hurts to have something spicy lodged in your throat??" 

"So you cried about it." I would never let him live this down.

"I just get really emotional over my sandwiches." he retorted.

"I see."

We finished up our sandwiches (there was no crying after that) and headed to Lagoon. I'd like to say we had a lovely and completely normal experience, but...