Monday, February 3, 2014

Introducing: Memory Lane Monday

I hope this becomes a way to keep things on here lively as life around me becomes dull. (Really it's my mind, not my life, that has become dull. Never a dull moment with Baby J & Husband.)

Memory Lane Monday will be a post featured every Monday (you don't say!) with whatever memory I decide to jot down. I figured it's a fun way to bring up tidbits of my past, whether they be sad, happy, hilarious, or downright infuriating (those exist). It might also be fun to get to hear the stories that molded me into the lady I am today. If you could call me a lady. Some of these stories beg to differ. Today's, for example.

The Time I Crapped on Ancient Temple Ruins


Like I said, I am such a lady.

It happened one fateful day in the hot hot heat of Belize. I happened to be there with several friends on a humanitarian trip. We did good samaritan-type stuff on the weekdays, and had the weekends to do cool things, like exploring & pooping on the ancient Mayan temple ruins of Belize.

We started our journey mid-morning, and things were going well. Except for the fact that sometimes when people travel, it takes their digestive system a few days to figure out how to work. I believe I was going on day four. And by that I mean I had gone four complete days without a bowel movement. (If you are under the impression that ladies don't poop, congratulations! You were right - for four days.)

Anyway, as previously mentioned, we started out in the morning. We explored and climbed and sweated and cheered and saw cool things. We then reached the last temple. Our group was sat down and given letters written to us by our parents. Everyone split up and found a secret place to read their parent letters and cry and stuff.

The walls of these ruins created a maze-like structure.

My friends and I divided ourselves amongst the maze and each found our own private place to read.

Three-quarters of the way through my letter, I got emotional and began to cry. I finished the letter, and cried harder. The only difference is the emotional touchy-feely crying was replaced by "My digestive system decided to come back from vacation and get it's work done in one go, and now I am doubled over in pain" crying. 

I held my stomach. I thought about throwing up. I tried to walk, and fell over, clutching my mid-section in pure agony.

I let out a loud sob.

I then saw two of my friends across the maze. I hobbled over to them, and as I got close they saw my tear-streaked face. Their faces got serious.

"Guys!!" I gasped, "I need to go to the bathroom. I think if I don't do something about this soon, I might die. Like, I really think I'm going to die." (I honestly was considering the likelihood of death if action wasn't taken.)

They burst into laughter. "Just go!!"

I was troubled. I am a solid two hours away from any sort of restroom. I am also a solid two minutes away from passing out and pooping myself. I really needed to go.

"This is like, holy grounds!!" I worried, "What if I get struck by lightning or something!?"

They laughed some more. 

"What am I going to use for toilet paper?! Where do I even go!?"

We ripped off the sleeves of my shirt and I was directed toward the jungle. (the upper portion of the picture)

I found a wide tree and squatted, leaning my back against the trunk. A large beast growled at me. Loudly. Scared out of my wits, I pulled up my pants and danced around in pain as I searched for the instigator. The growl sounded again and I realized it was coming from above.

I looked up and saw three howler monkeys in the trees above me.

Oh my gosh. I AM going to die. 

I considered running for my life, but decided if I was going to die, I wanted to poop before doing so. Again, I squatted and took care of business, all while shaking from head to toe as well as being screamed at. 

Business was taken care of at record-breaking speed. You know, considering the situation of demon monkeys screaming at me. (The situation is also 8x scarier if you have seen The Wizard of Oz. All I needed was for those things to sprout wings and come flying at me and the nightmare would be complete.) I used the sleeves that I was ever-so grateful for, and ran out of the forest at the speed of light. 

My friends could not get over the fact that I had defecated on holy ground.
I could not get over the fact that I survived being attacked by monkey growls. 

It was an eventful day.

More photos of the ruins:

steepest climb of my life
(notice my sleeves)

view from the top of ruins shown above

pooping happened in the jungle to the left of where this photo was taken

another view

at the top of the ruins shown above
(notice my lack of sleeves)


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