Wednesday, November 27, 2013

so hot right now

I am so good looking today it is unbelievable.

Sometimes it's okay to sleep through your alarm because you have a baby that kept you up all night.
Unfortunately for my dignity, my baby did better last night than he has for a while. I had no such excuse. Instead, I slept through my alarm because I was hanging out with Harry Styles in my dream. (Don't worry, it was a completely innocent hang out. Even my husband was there. We danced all night to the best song ever. It was a good time.)

Sleeping in late as an adult can be a little damaging to your physical appearance. (that is, when you have somewhere to be). Having an extra person to get out the door in the morning can be absolutely destructive to one's physical appearance. I won the award for the worst mom this morning. My son went to his babysitter's house in his Halloween pajamas. He may or may not have been crying because it was time for him to eat. Chances are, he was crying because his mother still dresses him in Halloween clothes and tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

I woke up twenty minutes before I was supposed to clock-in at work. Looking at the time, I knew a nice shower was out of the question. I jumped in anyway, only to shave my armpits, do an ineffective soap-down and get out. Then I looked in the mirror and nearly cried.

We aren't going to talk about how long it has been since I've washed my hair. To give you an idea of how bad it is, my first thought was, "What the heck am I going to do? I'm going to show up at work and people are going to think I put my hair up wet. Then four hours later when it still looks like this they are all going to judge me."

Well, let them judge. I have bigger fish to fry. (actually, I didn't have time to fry any fish, so forget that)

I pulled up to work blasting "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne (it was on the radio, alright? I took advantage and channeled my inner 13 year-old). A few people in the parking lot looked at me like, "who invited the junior high student?" Whatevs.

I then took it one step higher by doing the awkward speed-walk across the parking lot (as if I wasn't already attractive enough.)

In an effort to be healthier, I have started taking the stairs to the third floor every day.

One thing about stairs is there is no decent way to run and skip a stair without looking like an uncoordinated flamingo. I am really good at making myself look like the unfortunate love child of baby bambi and his uncoordinated flamingo lover.

By the time I reached the third floor I was breathing like a moose. (to be honest, I have no idea how moose breathe, but I imagine it's pretty dang heavy.) I got the awkward close-lipped smile from a coworker, and I made an attempt to close-lip smile back, but I was so out of breath it only lasted about half a second.

There is something so shameful about sitting at your desk breathing as heavy as if you just ran to work from the other side of the country.

I put on my headset, answered the phone and said, "We're thankful....Uh... crap. Thank you for calling..."

Thanks a lot, Harry Styles. You're the WORST.


  1. Anonymous11/27/2013

    where do you work? :)

    1. Sutter Physician Services! It's a good time.

  2. I laughed at your best song ever reference. Sad no one else caught that. Haha