Thursday, November 15, 2012

romance pants

Sometimes people get the idea that the husband and I dated prior to his mission. That is where you are wrong. I am a little embarrassed to admit that I didn't think of him in that way. That being the case, he got to hear about all of my boy drama, period leaking stories (gross), and the whole shebang. Whatever shebang is. 


Sure, I had a crush on him when he left. I never once told him that. And I never showed that kind of affection through my letters. People thought it was weird that we didn't say "I miss you" all the time, or end our letters with "love, Allie". Instead, here is a taste of the affection we showed through writing.

(Okay, this one is cute. And it was in the first letter he wrote me. Awwwwww.)

"I guess there was kind of a lot I almost wish I would've said. I'm not going to tell you that I've needed you since first sight, or that you ruined my… our future children. But I'd be a blasted fool and a liar if I said I didn't miss you. A lot."


Our letters looked a little something like this… 


And consisted of things like this… (I apologize in advance. Most of these are inside jokes. Like pregnancy, periods, and Channing Tatum.. I'm not a freak. Okay, I am. Whatevs.)


From him:

"Allie, I'm afraid I haven't been completely honest with you regarding a certain someone who we've previously discussed. Okay, honest I actually have been… until now. Something's changed. Drastically. Oh man, how do I even tell you this? You're going to hate me. I know it. I know I really should NOT even bring this up, and I know you're probably NEVER going to want to talk to me again, but… I feel I owe it to ya. And you have full right to hate me for this, but please please pleeeease at least write me back? Ugh, I don't even know how to tell you this, but I do have to be honest. So I guess I'll just throw it out there…
Allie, I'm pregnant. Okay, that you already know… it's only been like 30 months… but… something really has changed. It's the baby… it's… GROWN. A LOT. The thing is out of control. The cravings have gotten extreme. There's nothing I can do. Allie the truth is, that I'm… (oh gosh this is so hard to say to you)… Allie I'm drinking milk. And I'm loving it. I know, I know, call me sick, call me twisted, call me a monster, call me whatever you want."

"I was like 'You want me to say she has an incredible flow and is staining the couch too?!' You prepared me for my mission better than anything else. Pretty sure it was with you that I learned how to function with no sleep, and I'm CERTAIN it was with you that I learned how to buy tampons for an incredible flow."


From me:

"Channing Tatum is homosexual."

"Maybe I've been sheltered my whole life? My parents never told me I would get hit on by a fifteen year old."

"I have good news and bad news. The good news is I'm an aunt! The bad news is I clipped my toenail too short and now it hurts. Did I ever tell you about the time I was walking to class and FOUR people stopped me to either tell me I looked pissed, or to tell me to smile more? I felt like making an announcement to all on campus, apologizing and saying:
Dear world,
No, I didn't just wake up.
And no, I'm not about to murder a million starving puppies.
That's just my face."


Maybe we are freaks.
I don't know. 
But his letters made me laugh, and that is what I needed.

Also.

My husband is romantic. For my birthday, he sent me a stolen sign from a bathroom that says, "DON'T PEE ON THE FLOOR". He thought I could use the reminder.